Drowning
by you're my little skankwad
Summary: This story will never be completed. It wasn't completely horrible though... I like where i began to go with it
1. Chapter 1

**DISCLAIMER: _i dont own. etc... etc...not mine. etc... dont sue me. blah blah blah_**

This darkness is strangely comforting. I can focus on the darkness. Nothing else matters. I can pretend there is air filling my lungs. My poor lungs, so sore from gasping at air. Air so close, but just above my head. The water filling my lungs is painful. But now I can focus on the darkness behind my lids.

I've stopped gasping for wisps of air. My mind is slipping in and out of consciousness. I love those moments of unconsciousness. I feel nothing. I know nothing. I can't do anything about this pain. The darkness is surrounding me. I can't take it. I force my eyes to open. The darkness won't leave. I can see nothing. I try to move my hand in front of my face. It takes some effort. I finally move my sluggish and watered down hands. I keep my eyes opened, searching frantically for my hand. I know its there, why can't I see it?

Then I realize. I can't see anything because I'm sinking below the surface. To where it's dark. I thought humans could float. I guess we can't float when the only thing filling our body is water. I close my eyes, seeking the once comforting darkness. The serenity does not come. I rack my mind for the reason. After agonizing moments of pushing my way through the haze, I find nothing. I know that death must come upon me soon. As much as I've always dreaded my final encounter with Death, I'm quite looking forward to it now. I don't know why im still alive now. Shouldn't this lack of oxygen have killed me what seems like hours ago?

Where is Edward? Shouldn't he be here to yell at me? I want him here. Maybe I should give up. I should find the surface, I suppose. But maybe that insane part of me knows I won't really allow myself to drown. Maybe I should push myself farther, then he'll come. Edward will come.

I can feel the tingling in my toes. It slowly works it way up to my ankle. Next my calves, knees, thighs, hips, stomach, chest, and finally neck. I realize in an instant my head is next in my slow death. The tingling stops in a flash. Never making to my head I wonder what must have happened. I start shaking violently. The cold I hadn't noticed before suddenly racking my body with long, drawn out spasms of motion. Then I feel dizzier than before. The darkness is coming at me slowly. I wonder why it is not light. This must be my moment of death. I've always wondered what it would feel like in my last moments. I had heard you see a flashback. Why can't I see my life flash before my eyes? Not that I'm complaining, why would I want a replay? I never expected to welcome death into my open arms. The darkness consumes me. I can feel the weight of my body, until it releases my soul. And everything is dark. No light filters in. This darkness is strangely comforting. Edward never came.

**A/N: maybe ill do another chapter in Edward's POV. only if i get more reviews. flames are good too**


	2. Chapter 2

**Last Time: **_The darkness consumes me. I can feel the weight of my body, until it releases my soul. And everything is dark. No light filters in. This darkness is strangely comforting. Edward never came._

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_**Somewhere in Paris**_

_Alice has that blank stare again. She must be seeing something. Wow it must be big. She's been out for ten minutes. _Jasper was sitting at a cute café in Paris with Alice. They had been enjoying a lovely brunch when Alice went blank.

"Oh my God! Bella's going to jump off of a cliff!" Alice snapped back. "We've got to catch a plane and stop her." Alice jumped up, threw a wad of cash on the table and pulled Jasper along with her as he sprinted, vampire speed, down the road. She dragged him all the way to the airport. She rushed to the counter and purchased to tickets to Washington. The plane boarded almost immediately, just as she knew it would.

The two of them ran to the plane and were seated instantaneously. During the entire plane ride Alice had her eyes squeezed shut trying to see the outcome of her extremely disturbing vision.

When the plane landed Alice and Jasper ran all the way to the cliff where Bella would jump.

**Flashback**

_There is no way I saw it correctly. _Alice refused to believe Bella would jump off of a cliff. The whole ride she sat there and watched the options play out. There was one where she turned around and went home. That one only lasted a few moments though.

Then, of course, one where she jumped and died. Then she decided against it again. It was all too blurry. Bella was constantly changing her mind. Alice sat there and watched the horrible fates and then the one where she went home. Alice, of course, favored the safer ones. But the future was too hazy. When they were practically landed, Bella's future went blank.

_NO! Bella actually did it. NO! _

**End of Flashback**

They arrived at the cliff and Alice jumped over the edge and searched for Bella. She found her in the depths of the dark water. She lugged her body to the shore in a matter of minutes.

She lugged Bella to the closest driest part and checked her pulse. Alice pressed her fingers against Bella's neck and listened to her heartbeat. _YES! She's not dead yet. I might be able to save her. _Alice grabbed Bella and threw her over her shoulder firefighter style. She ran with her to the hospital. She went to the desk and demanded a immediate care.

"She fell off a cliff! Her pulse is incredibly slow and she's barely breathing." Alice practically screamed at the attendant. Bella was checked into the room and the doctor came in immediately after.

**A/N: I know it was short, but maybe I'll let her live. Reviews or no more and the cliffie will stay forever. MUAHAHAHAHA**


	3. Authors Note

Okay. So I haven't decided if I'm gonna let Bella live or not. You see I've only gotten a few reviews and I need more motivation. So if I don't get more soon I'll write a chappie and simply kill her off.

See how fun this is? It's like ransom!

So I'm going to write two chapters that could come next, one where she dies and one where she lives, and if I don't get enough reviews then I'll post the dying one, because I'm lazy. If I get enough then I'll put the living one and I'll add even more.

Maybe my story sucks and y'all want me to stop. If I don't get reviews I'll just assume that.

Ok? Ok!


	4. Chapter 3

**Ok. Sorry it took so long. I finished both at like 9:30 last night but I couldnt post it, cause the stupid internet was down all night. I still have the other one on my computer and I can replace this one with it if you dont like this one. I also decided that either way it goes [live or die that I can write more. It's kinda fun. Anyways on with the story!**

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The doctor enters the white room and checks Bella's information

"I'm Dr. Trahan. I think that Ms. Swan's lungs are almost completely filled with water. We will take her into surgery and attempt to drain it out."

Dr. Trahan asks Alice to leave. She complies without a word. She retreats to the waiting room to rejoin Jasper. She sits in a dangerous proximity to his lap and closes her eyes in concentration. She watches closely but sees nothing. She finally gives up and opens her eyes.

She impatiently waits for the doctor to come out and tell her what happened. She hates not knowing, much more than even the most impatient of humans

After two hours of surgery trying to drain the water and make Bella live, the doctor comes out.

"Bella is in intensive care. She seems to have been under for only ten minutes before resurfacing. We aren't sure of the outcome quite yet. But we will remain optimistic. She is on an artificial breathing mechanism. If she will wake up it should be within the next three hours. You should feel free to sit and wait in her room."

Alice and Jasper go to the room after thanking Dr. Trahan. Alice looks at Bella's sad face, frozen in a scream. **[A/N: I know I never said Bella was screaming but that was only because she didn't realize how much she was thrashing and screaming in the water before she lost consciousness **Alice reached out and ran an icy finger over Bella's cheek. All of the sudden she was ripped from reality into a vision.

Jasper watched as Alice's face went slack and her hands dropped to her sides. It seems like a big one.

As Alice crashed back to the present she looked straight at Jasper and stated with so much conviction that Jasper knew her vision must have been crystal clear, "She's going to live!"

**A/N: Ok so I let her live. I already have half of the next chapter done. I'm trying to make them longer so it may take a while to update.**


	5. Chapter 4

**I finally finished chapter 4. Here you go. It's kind of short. But i figured i could do alot of short ones and update regularly instead of long ones rarely updated.**

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Bella awoke with a start. No, of course she couldn't wake up after being practically comatose groggily and sluggish. She is Bella Swan, she has to do everything the way that makes it painful.

Bella's head began to throb. _Am I dead?_ Bella was looking around, and everything was white. _Damn it! I'm dead. I guess it isn't so bad, it's not like I had much to live for anymore. I had to die sometime, it's not like Edward would even consider changing me now. Well I guess now is kind of over. _Her head was still aching from the movement. _Wait a second!! When you die you shouldn't feel anything! Oh my God I'm alive. How the hell am I alive? I _drowned _I should be dead. What the hell is wrong with me?_

There was a noise, and Bella turned to face the side. Alice looked up. "Bella! You're awake!"

Alice jumped up and ran over to Bella.

"Alice?"

"Yes Bella?"

"How am I alive?"

"I saw you jump off of the cliff. Jasper and I rushed here to find you. We were almost too late. Anyway, why the _hell_ did you jump off of a cliff?"

"I…I…I don't remember. I don't remember. I don't _think _I wanted to die. But maybe I did."

"Bella, where's Charlie? He needs to come."

"Charlie? Charlie is dead. He got shot. If you would have stayed maybe you would have known. You could have saved him! Why did you leave me? I lost everything after you left! Do you realize that? I don't even have the house anymore! Just-" Bella's sentence stopped. Her body went slack and her breathing was slow and even.

Alice called the doctor in. "She just fell asleep, in the middle of speaking. Is that normal?"

"No. It is far from normal. I think she may have gone into a catatonic state. We will need to run a few tests. If you will please leave and go back to the waiting room."

The doctor came out into the waiting room after two and a half hours.

"Mr. Hale, Ms. Cullen. I regret to inform you that my earlier assumption was correct. Ms. Swan is indeed in a coma. I'm not sure when and if she'll wake up."

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**A/N: Ohh the dreaded cliffie. Haha. I cant decide.**

**Here are the options I'm considering**

**1. Bella wakes up on her own**

**2. Edward comes back and saves her**

**3. Edward comes back and saves her but she resents him**

**4. Alice changes her and Bella decides to hate Alice**

**5. Alice doesn't know how to change Bella so Jasper does it**

**6. Alice doesn't know how to change Bella so Jasper does it but he kills her**

**7. Bella dies with no prodding**

**8. Edward comes, changes her, they live happily ever after (I don't like this one)**

**9. Edward comes, refuses to change her, Bella dies**

**10. Jasper changes her, Bella lives, Edward comes back, Bella hates him and moves on**


	6. Chapter 5

Ok. I decided which one I'm going to do. Thanks to everyone who reviewed and gave me your opinion. And sorry if it's not exactly what you wanted.

Anyways, on with the story!

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**Previously: **_"Mr. Hale, Ms. Cullen. I regret to inform you that my earlier assumption was correct. Ms. Swan is indeed in a coma. I'm not sure when and if she'll wake up."_

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_Several weeks later…_

Dr. Trahan enters Bella's hospital room and turns to Alice and Jasper, who have been . "Bella has made no progress. She is completely unresponsive. Her vitals are fine but her breathing is smooth and her heart beat is regular. We don't believe she will recover. I'm so sorry."

"NO! She has to get better. How much longer will she have before you pull the plug?" Alice was practically sobbing.

"We will let her go in a week. I suppose she could stay at your home with you, if you'd like to risk it. She could be in a long term bed rest and maybe if she is around more familiar things she will recover. Would you like to get that a try? I'll let you sleep on it and you can give me your decision in the morning." With that Dr. Trahan turned and left Alice and Jasper to think about it.

The moment the door closed Alice turned to Jasper and said, "We should take her home and change her. She won't live without us. They won't give her a chance. We _have _to change her!"

"I don't know Alice, what if it's not what she wants. She jumped off of a cliff. Maybe she wanted to die. We shouldn't force her to be one of us."

"Well we should at least take her home then. Maybe we'll figure it out. We don't have to decide yet."

"Fine, we'll bring her home. Buzz the doctor. We'll get her home now."

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**A/N: Sorry its short. I just wanted y'all to know she's not dead. I'm trying to write fast. I won't tell you which one I'm doing but it's a cross between a few of them. **


	7. Chapter 6

**Hey, sorry it took so long for this chapter. I have school and it's like the teachers don't want me to update. They have been loading us up on homework. UGH! Anyways thanks for the reviews, they make me feel loved. : **

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"Absolutely nothing has changed. We have to change her now!" Eight months had passed and Bella had done little to show she is responsive. The doctor had been visiting regularly and said that she was completely healed mentally. But that her body wasn't allowing her to wake up. Bella as regular waking and sleeping periods and can hear everything around her. She just can not respond.

In these months she had responded to only few words. Alice had tried hard to find a pattern but they seemed completely random to her. Jasper wanted very badly to contact Carlisle and Edward, but Alice had said it wouldn't work out. Edward would freak out and go to the Volturi. So telling even Carlisle was out of the question.

The only thing both Alice and Jasper agreed on was that Bella needed to be changed. Alice considered calling Edward to do it but she saw that he would only turn her down, worrying he would hurt her. She knew he wouldn't be able to. Nobody was left that wouldn't be swayed by Edward except Alice and Jasper. They also both agreed it would have to be soon.

"I'm going to change her now." Alice decided on a whim. She knew the decision was made and quickly closed her eyes to make sure it would end right. She allowed herself to be carried away in her extra sense. She watched carefully, seeing her self bite Bella's neck and her eyes turn black. She drains all the blood from Bella's body before even realizing what has happened.

"I can't do it. I killed her. Jasper you must be the one." Jasper was taken back just by the statement that Alice could kill Bella. She showed nothing but love for the human who was practically her sister. It was then that he felt the wave of guilt and despair from Alice.

"Alice, you didn't mean to. It's not your fault. You don't know how to change her. I'll do it. But I must hunt first."

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Jasper was alone in the field. He knew he would have to change Bella. Though he was utterly dreading the moment, he knew deep down it was best he did it. He was the most experienced in dealing with newborns. He thought back to the time, in his past, where he had changed seventeen humans in only five days. He knew he had the control for normal humans; it was only Bella that tempted him so.

He was very worried and he knew he would need to hunt big game. He went far out and searched for the biggest mountain lions and grizzlies he could find. He attacked and fed for days before he returned to Alice and Bella.

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"I'm back and I'm fed. I can do this. Ok, time to change Bella." Jasper announced as he entered the mansion. He stalked over to Bella and prepared himself. He lowed his head slowly, slow even for humans, and bared his fangs. He braced himself at her neck and pressed his teeth against her. The moment he began to sink his teeth into the sensitive skin of her neck he heard a blood curling scream escape Bella's lips.

**A/N: Ok I know I skipped around in the times and stuff but I didn't want to write too much of just Alice and Jasper. No offense but they aren't nearly as interesting!**


	8. Chapter 7

Last Time:

_The moment he began to sink his teeth into the sensitive skin of her neck he heard a blood curling scream escape Bella's lips._

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Jasper jumped back, startled. _What the hell? She's in a freaking coma! This is impossible!_

"Jasper! Bella woke up yesterday. Why didn't you tell me you were back? She doesn't-"

"NO! I refuse to be changed into a vampire! I want a normal life! You took that away and I'm not letting you take away my humanity too. I refuse to have my soul damned to hell! There's nothing to persuade me anymore. Edward is gone and he was the only reason I wanted it. So get the hell away from me and take me to Jacob's!"

"Jacob's?!?!" Jasper was confused, having been gone for quite awhile, he missed out on many of the details Bella informed Alice of.

"When Charlie died Bella's house was taken away from her. She had been staying with the Blacks. She wants to go back but I wouldn't take her till she got a little better."

"Alice, Jasper. I _demand _you bring me home this instant. At least call Billy and Jacob. They must be worried sick."

"Bella, you've been in a coma for nine months. They've come to visit. They know what's going on."

"Nine months? Oh my-" With that Bella was out cold.

"Damn it! I knew she wasn't ready. I knew I should have waited to tell her. Ugh. I'm so stupid. I can't believe she passed out."

"Alice it's not your fault. You didn't know this would happen. It's my fault, if I would have waited. If I hadn't been so eager to prove I could do it…"

**A/N: Ok this one was extremely short. I just wanted to clear a few things up a bit. I think it might be a bit rushed. It's hard to get it from my head onto paper, you know? Yeah, well enjoy!**


	9. Chapter 8

Last Time:

"_Alice it's not your fault. You didn't know this would happen. It's my fault, if I would have waited. If I hadn't been so eager to prove I could do it…"_

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Alice knew the time had come to contact Edward. She rushed over to the phone and dialed the familiar number quickly.

After several rings Edward answered in a dead monotone. "What do you want Alice?"

"Edward! Guess what. Bella has been in a coma for eight months and she finally came out. Isn't that great?"

"What the hell? Where are you?"

"We're in Forks and--" Her words were cut off by the sudden buzz of the dial tone echoing in her over-sensitive ears. _Shit._ Alice knew that all she could do now is wait. She would have to warn Bella and Jasper, of course Jasper would have heard the entire conversation. She headed upstairs to inform Bella.

"Bella?"

"Yes."

"Edward is on his way. He was so freaked out you had been in a coma, he rushed over."

"So…?"

"I thought you'd be interested. Isn't he the reason your life was so bad, because he took a part of you when he left?"

"He _is_ the reason. But I refuse to allow him back into my life just like that. I've changed. I need to explain it to Edward before I explain it to you. I can't have him knowing what I plan on saying before I actually say it. And don't bother checking the future because I haven't decided how I want this to play out yet."

"Well...he'll be here early tomorrow morning. Sleep well Bella." With that Alice turned on her heel and left the room that was once Edward's, leaving Bella to her thoughts.

_How the hell am I supposed to do this? I just have to make sure I'm not dazzled. I can do this. I'm strong. I do not need Edward in my life. He can jump off a cliff and see how he feels afterward for all I care. No, that's not true. I love Edward. I know I do. But I can't just pick up the way it was. I must do this. I can do this. I will do this. _Thinking hard about how to break it to him, Bella fell into a fitful sleep.

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Bella was awoken by the frozen caress of fingertips on her cheeks. All night Bella had been haunted by night terrors. She opened her eyes eager for the light of the sun to fill her vision, but was greeted by Edward's weak eyes staring into her own.

He was paler than she remembered his face placid as he stared intently at her, obviously not fully aware she was awake. He seemed to be watching her, trying to absorb her features as if she would disappear from before his eyes any instant. She realized he was more stunning than her hallucinations led her to believe. While she scrutinized his face and all of his features she realized she was not the least bit dazzled.

"Edward." Her soft whisper was barely audible, but he caught it.

"Bella. Alice said you jumped off of a cliff. Why the hell would you be so reckless? You promised me you would be careful."

"When you left promises meant nothing. Nothing meant anything. The only thing that shocked me back to reality was when my father _died._ I do not need you to judge me. You of all people, you have no right. You said you loved me then you left me. You swore we'd be together _forever _but you left me. You said I was your everything, your life but you _LEFT _me." She screamed at him, venom dripping from her words.

If his heart could beat it would be going overtime now. Never had Bella had such an outburst. She was so calm and rational. Where was his Bella?

As if she could hear his thoughts she practically spat at him, "I have changed. I am not the same person you left. I am strong and independent. I can't be the same, ever again!"

"But Bella, you must still love me. That much could never change."

"No. I don't. I changed I don't need you. I was weak, I needed your protection. I love you but I can't be with you. You make me feel inferior and I can't handle that. Not now. This part of my life can't be lived with you in it. Maybe I should go."

**A/N: Ok. I'm thinking this is my longer chapter. I don't want Bella to be weak. I don't want Edward to control every aspect of her life. I don't like that. I want Edward to squirm. Don't worry they'll be together eventually. I suppose it wouldn't be nearly as fun without them together. But I refuse to allow it to be like the book where she welcomes him back with open arms and begs him not to leave her again.**


	10. Chapter 9

**A/N: Sorry, that last chapter was rushed and a bit psychotic but I'll explain some stuff in this one.**

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The Black Residence--

Bella had rushed out of the house that held so many memories, good and bad. Bella had returned to her haven where she stayed with the Blacks. She had gone straight to her bedroom with little in the way of polite conversation. Billy had greeted her as usual, even after all these months. Jacob was out were-wolfing it up with his buddies, now that he knew the news of Bella's miraculous recovery.

Bella was now in her room, curled into the fetal position at the foot of her bed. She was crying softly, having gained new amounts of composure, not allowing herself to sob openly.

Bella had new amounts of strength she never even thought possible. She had had her heart ripped out, her father had been murdered, she had fallen off of a cliff, she had recovered from her coma, she had even told the only boy she ever loved to back off. Yet she survived. She survived. _Hah survived my ass. I feel as if I've been skinned raw. There's nothing left of me. How can I be expected to move on? How can I do _anything_? I haven't got a clue as to how I should go about with my life._

Bella was thinking in circles, nothing was making sense. _Why the hell did I crumple when he left? I knew it was coming. I could never have been enough for him. Oh I remember, because he was my life, he still is. I can't believe what I just did to him. I left Edward. What the hell is wrong with me?_

Bella was now silent. Not a sound was escaping her but the sound of her breathing. He heart was slow and steady. Thump, thump, thump. She heard something from outside of the window and she jumped. _What was that?_

"Bella…" A silvery voice called from the shadows, a voice so beautiful and pure she would recognize it anywhere.

"Edward."

"Please Bella. I know I shouldn't have left you. It was wrong. It was the worst mistake of my life. You have no idea how much you mean to me Bella. I would have never left if I knew what it could do to you. I thought I was ruining your life. Maybe I was wrong. I'm so sorry. Please forgive me Bella." _He sounds so sincere. I want to believe him. Why did a part of me say to kick him out now? Oh, of course. I want to save myself the pain. I know he doesn't mean it. He is a convincing liar, come with the eternal life. He doesn't love me. He never has. He just doesn't want me to die. How considerate. Don't play into it!_

"Edward. I know what you're doing. But you don't have to. I'm a big girl, sure it'll hurt at first, but I can handle being without you. I love you. But I understand it's completely unrequited. And I'll be ok with that in time. You don't have to stick around just to ensure my safety."

Bella watched Edward's face very closely for his reaction. What she saw was **[A/N: ok this is totally random but I **_**just**_** noticed that was and saw are the same but backwards. Cool huh? Ok back to the story…** not what she expected, his jaw visibly dropped. He began to speak but he words were stuttered and Bella couldn't make out what he was saying.

**A/N: Ok I hope all the thoughts helped. Review if you love me!**


	11. Chapter 11

**IMPORTANT**

Ok, I have decided that this story isn't going the way I wanted so I'm done with it. I will be writing a new story soon. I will start it later after I've finished my homework. It will be called 'Ghost of a Stranger' I decided to call it that because I heard it in a song and it stuck. I'm hoping it will turn out more the way I like. I've decided I like the idea of Bella changing. And I want Jasper to do it. But I want Edward to come in sooner than in this story. Simply because, he makes everything more interesting. So please check it out. It should have the first chapter posted by tonight or tomorrow.

Ok. This is the last update being made onto this story. Sorry if that disappoints anyone, but I doubt it does. :[

But its ok because hopefully my new story will be much better.

So, bye. And thank you to everyone who favorited, reviewed, and posted story alerts. I love you. Bye!


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